"Look At Me"

"Look At Me"
monotype and screenprint

Monday, August 29, 2011

Unanswered Questions

Sleepy Boy...

Yesterday when I was watching Derek sleep something occured to me...you know how we "think" in words? Does a non-verbal child dream in words? Or are his dreams full of beautiful images?  What does he even dream about?  I have 4 years worth of unanswered questions.  There are so many things I would like to ask my son.  So many simple, every day things that other parents take for granted.  I want to know what his favorite color is.  I want to know why he's fascinated with wheels and why he won't eat wet things, like noodles.  I want to know what his foot obsession is all about and why he likes to have two matching things at all times.  Most of all, I want to know if he's happy.  And if he knows how much I love him...

You know the saying, "Kids say the darndest things?"  It's true...Tyler has what I call "Tylerisms."  We giggle together all the time over things.  Lately at night we've been talking about how much we love each other.  "Tyler, I love you more than...chocolate chip cookies."  "Mommy, I love you more than...the moon!"  :)  I feel like I'm missing things with Derek.  By the time he learns to REALLY speak (more than one word responses), will he still be young enough to enjoy being silly with me???

Tylerisms of the past month:  "Sweetie, it's time to go!!!"  (when we were leaving a friend's house)
                              "Let's play Dingo"  (Instead of Bingo)
                              "Do I have to go back to that HORRIBLE place tomorrow?" (kindergarten)
and my personal favorite:
                              Tyler:  "Mommy, how does water put out fire?"
                              Me:  "I don't know, honey."
                              Tyler:  "Yes, you do.  JUST TELL ME!!"

For Derek, I have lots of precious, precious moments, but very few "Derekisms."  Maybe one would be that sometimes he calls Winnie the Pooh "Poop."  :)  He also sings (babble) when he takes a shower.  That's about it.  There are so many wonderful, beautiful things about a non-verbal child, but not knowing what he wants and not knowing what he is trying to say is NOT one of them.  It breaks my heart more and more each day that even though I know my child better than ANYONE on this earth, I do not know what he thinks and feels about life.  He is almost four years old...I've been waiting so long to hear his little voice.  If only he could get the words out.

1 comment:

  1. Hi - I'm Lalitha from Invention Labs - I've been following your blog and my heart reaches out to your state of utmost helplessness - at not being able to have a breakthrough in understanding your child's mind and thoughts ! I'd love to recommend our AAC app called Avaz for Autism (for the iPad) - it is designed specially for the autistic child - we've made sure it is easy for a child to express his needs / wants / emotions !
    Would love to know what you think about it. And we'd be really happy if our product makes a difference to your life and your relationship with your son !!
    Do check us out at www.avazapp.com.
    My email address is lalithan@avaz.in