"Look At Me"

"Look At Me"
monotype and screenprint

Tuesday, October 8, 2013

Wishes and Dreams...

I had a dream last night that I met a genie.  You know, like in Aladdin?  The kind that can grant you wishes? The genie said I could have one wish.  One Wish.  I stared at him.  I didn't know what to wish for.

And then I woke up, sweaty and afraid.  I thought I had blown my chance.

I've wished for a lot of things throughout my life.  A lot of them seem pretty trivial now.

When I was a little girl, I wished that I would marry a prince.

In high school, I was a competitive swimmer.  Naturally, I dreamed of becoming an Olympian.

In college, I gained a lot of weight.  I wished to be thin.

My dreams and wishes have continued over the years.  Some of my dreams have come true.  Some have not.
Make a wish...
I've been thinking all day about what I would do if I really had a wish.  Would I wish for Derek to be cured?  No.  Would I wish for money?  No.  What about success as an artist? Or fame?  No and no.  The fountain of youth?  NO.

What I'd really like, is to be able to travel into the future and make sure that my children are ok.  I'd love to be able to see my children as adults--happy and healthy.  I'd like some reassurance that I'm not screwing up too badly as a parent.  I would love it if Derek had a job and was living on his own in an apartment, but if he was still living with me, that would be okay too.  I just want to know that he's going to be happy.  And Tyler?  I want to know that he's not going to grow up bitter and resentful that his brother got more attention than he did.  I try so hard to be the mom I think Tyler needs, but I honestly don't know what he needs sometimes.  I worry that I let him get away with too much.  I worry that I spoil him because of Derek.  I worry that I let him watch too much tv because I'm exhausted.  I worry a lot.  Can you tell?  A glimpse of him in 20 years with a great job, a wife, and a couple of kids of his own would do me a world of good.

But my time travel wish isn't a very practical one.  So here is my official wish:

To be able to enjoy the here and now, without worrying about the future.  I get so preoccupied with time, schedules, and trying to make sure I'm doing what I'm supposed to in preparation for tomorrow, that I forget about today.

And when you've got kids like this around?  Moments matter.  Don't miss them...

1 comment:

  1. your copyright nazi website won't let me copy and paste your text into the comment.

    when we were having both kids the prayer I made every night was, that they'd live long, happy, healthy lives. Where's that genie?