"Look At Me"

"Look At Me"
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Friday, February 1, 2013

The Transition

The process or a period of changing from one state or condition to another.
Undergo or cause to undergo a process or period of transition: "we had to transition to a new set of products".
passage - change - crossing - transit

This beautiful boy has been under my wing for 5 years now.  I've been more than his mother.  I've been his protector, his interpreter, his advocate, his nurse, his cheerleader and his teacher.  In a lot of ways, I've been his voice. Now, I'm about to let my child start his first real adventure without me.  He started his transition from preschool into kindergarten today, and will continue to go every Friday for the rest of the school year.

It's time for my child to grow his own wings.

And I'm terrified.  

I know that at some point, I have to let my son grow up.  It's part of life.  It's a GOOD part of life.  But I'm scared for Derek in ways that I wasn't for Tyler.  I don't know what school is going to be like for him.  I don't know if he's going to make friends.  I don't know if he'll be bullied.  I am guessing he'll have trouble with the school work--but how much trouble?  And what about communication?  Will he be able to tell the teacher what he needs?  Like if he needs to use the bathroom or if he's hungry?  My fear paralyzes me.

Today was a trial run.  The plan was for me to take him to school, drop him off in the kindergarten classroom with one of his preschool teachers as an aide, and return in an hour.

Does anything ever go as planned?


On our way out the door.  Derek was nervous...
We got to the school a little early, which was good.  The kids weren't in the classroom yet.  Derek was fussy and clinging to my arm--until he saw the trains.  Then he started playing.  "Choo-choo!!!!"

Derek found the trains.
Then the kids arrived.  So did the noise.

I tried to sneak out, but Derek saw me leaving and started crying.  He said, "Coat off?" which is his way of telling me to stay.  I knew that if I left, it would be an hour of nonstop crying.  I wanted his first day to be a good experience.  So I reluctantly stayed, but I tried to be as inconspicuous as possible.    

Derek did surprisingly well...at first.  It helped that the teacher had prepared the class that morning, and told them about the special "Friday guest."  Everyone wanted to be Derek's friend.  And the kids wanted to show Derek the toys and play with him.  
Derek's actually sharing a toy.  
Derek also got to play on the Smart Board, sing and dance, and have a 3rd grader read to him.  Reading was where Derek started to run into trouble.  Derek has never been that interested in books.  He HATED being read to as a baby.  As he's gotten older, he's started to like them a little better and will look through the pictures once in a while, as long as it's at his own pace.  If he DOES let someone read a book to him, it's usually a very short book.  The book this 3rd grader was supposed to read him was long.  Derek got antsy.  He couldn't sit.  I had to hold him in my lap, and the few times he escaped he ran around the room flapping his hands.  When I caught him and brought him back to where we were sitting to read, he said loudly, "GO HOME."  The next time he escaped, he went to the coat room, grabbed his coat, and put it on.  Then he announced to the class, "Bye!"

My son was done.  Luckily, it was only 5 minutes before we were supposed to go.  So I decided to let it go for the day.

Day 1, done.

Derek barely made it through an hour with me.  How in the world is he going to make it through an entire day without me next fall?

I hope his wings grow quickly.  This letting go stuff hurts more than I expected.


  1. Aww, I promise it will get better as he adjusts to being there. Wish you the best of luck and many prayers!

  2. It will get better:) Keep up the good work super mom:)