"Look At Me"

"Look At Me"
monotype and screenprint

Saturday, May 10, 2014

I Never Expected... (An Attempt at Humor)

As Mother's Day approaches, I think a lot about being a mom and how much my life has changed in the past 8+ years.  As an Autism Mom especially, life is different than I expected it to be.  So I compiled a list of things I never imagined I'd need to know and/or do.  (By the way, this is my attempt at humor.  I am not, by nature, funny.  My sense of humor is more of a sense of sarcasm...)

Here we go.  These are in no particular order:
1.  I never imagined I'd actually reach to catch vomit in my hands so that it wouldn't land on the carpet.

2.  I never thought I'd need to know what IEPs are and what ABA and OT and ST and IFSP and ASD and SPD and GFCF and EI and MDT and PDD-NOS and and...oh, you know what I mean.

3.  I never expected to be able to sing the theme songs to Elmo's World and Thomas the Train and Chuggington and various Disney movies in my sleep.

4.  I never thought I'd let my kid eat cookies for breakfast.  And actually be okay with it.

5.  I never imagined my kids would make me watch Star Wars and super hero movies (think Spider-Man, Hulk, Thor, The Avengers) with them.  (Not my thing at ALL.  But I love my kids, so...)

6.  I never thought trips would be so much work.  A week long trip to the lake requires weeks of preparation.  And packing.  Oh, the packing...

7.  I never thought I'd be able to diaper a child in the back-seat of a mini-van.  And not get poop on the seat. And actually be proud of that fact.

8.  I never expected to be a Multi-Tasking Queen.  There have been days when I've been on the phone with a doctor, I've had dishes in the dishwasher, I've had clothes in both the washer and the dryer, I've had a meal in the oven, I've been feeding one child and I've been helping my other child with a puzzle.  And I've been doing ALL OF THIS AT THE SAME TIME.

9.  I never dreamed I'd have to help my child overcome his fear of haircuts.  His first haircut was an absolute fiasco.  I've endured years of yelling, screaming, crying, gagging, and thrashing, and finally, after 6 years, my son can now handle scissors and having water sprayed on his head.  (We haven't conquered the buzzers yet. It's a work in progress.)




10.  I never imagined I'd pick my child's nose for them. (Seriously.  I have.  It was driving him crazy, and he hadn't figured out how to blow his nose yet.)

11.  I never thought it would be possible to survive on so little sleep.  Or love caffeine so much.

12.  And last, but certainly not least, I never thought I'd be able to communicate without words.

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