There are several solutions to fixing my schedule, but none of them are feasible.
1. I could add more hours to the day.
2. I could clone myself.
3. I could give up sleeping altogether.
Spring and Summer are crazy busy. I look at the calendar and struggle to stave off panic attacks. There is just too much going on. I'm overwhelmed. There are weddings. (Hotels to book. Babysitters to find.) There are vacations. (Bags to pack.) Derek has another dental surgery. Both boys have doctor's appointments. I could go on and on. It is not physically possible to be in two places at once, so I have a lot of tough decisions to make. I have very few "extra" things on my schedule, so there's really nothing I can cut. (I learned to say "no" a long time ago. And I don't volunteer to do things. Ever.)
Here is my current dilemma. Right now Derek has ABA therapy at our house every day after school from 4-6. At least until school gets out. But Tyler's summer wrestling program started today and will be M, W, and TH from 5-6 in a town 30 min away. How in the world am I going to manage that??? I want Tyler to be able to go to the wrestling program, because Derek has had therapy since he was 2 years old (Tyler was 3) and I feel like Tyler has gotten the shaft. He never got to do after school activities like Boy Scouts or gymnastics or baseball because I was always stuck at home with Derek doing therapy. Wrestling and swim lessons have been the only things I've managed to pull off. So do I try to find someone who can give Tyler a ride? Or hire a babysitter to stay with Derek for an hour or so until I get back from wrestling?
I have too many situations like this. It makes my head hurt.
This weekend my neighbor is having a graduation party and there is also an art show I want to attend in Omaha (it would be good for my career. It's all about who you know). Obviously, I can't do both, but it would be ridiculous for me to drive 6 hours round-trip for one night.
Then we come down to the smaller decisions. The seemingly insignificant things that paralyze me. Do I work on art or exercise? Do I clean the house or make dinner? Do I shop for groceries or go to the dentist? Do I schedule one of the millions of doctor's appointments the kids are overdue for or try to get the bills paid?
Frankly, it's exhausting. I'd rather take a nap. But who has time for that? And when I do try to lay down for a few minutes, my mind is so filled with thoughts of what I should be doing I can't sleep anyway.
Instead, I'll put my mad mommy managing skills to work and try to figure out how to "do it all".
Or, at least...as much as possible.
Because that's just what parents do.