"Look At Me"

"Look At Me"
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Friday, May 23, 2014

The Fear

I spent a lot of time this week going through old photos.  My father's 70th birthday is this weekend and part of his present includes pictures of his grandkids.  (I can't go into more details than that--I don't want to give away the surprise if he reads this.)

One of the main things I've heard, since the day Derek was diagnosed, is that he doesn't "look" autistic.  I have no idea what that really means.  It's a ridiculous statement.  I guess I agree--I don't think Derek "looks" anything but beautiful.  I don't think Tyler does either. But, you know what I did notice when I looked through the photographs?  It had something to do with me.  Derek was always either in my arms, holding my hand, or I had an arm around him.  Yes, that's right.  The ever-present over-protective mother's arm was always in the picture. Not so much when we were in the house (safe), but if we were outside, or in any type of public place, or if there was a group picture--Derek was with me.

Derek, to this day, has no real concept of danger.  He still dashes into the street without looking for cars.  He wanders without fear of getting lost.  He jumps into the deep end of the pool and doesn't worry about drowning (he can't swim).  He has things he doesn't like, mostly related to SPD (dentists, doctors, haircuts, and the like), but I would say he's really not afraid of anything.

I, on the other hand, am terrified most of the time when it comes to my son.  I worry about him wandering.  I worry about him getting hit by a car.  I worry about him drowning.  Or getting kidnapped.  Or getting taken advantage of.  Or getting bullied. Or getting abused. I worry about what happens to him when he's at school, because he can't tell me what happens.  Just this week, one of my friends opened the door around lunch time and found her son, who had walked home from school in the middle of the day.  Not that big of a deal, right?  Wrong.  He was an 8 year old autistic boy, who had walked out of his school, unnoticed, and miraculously made it home.  He had been bused to school his entire life. His parents didn't even know he knew the way home.  The school had no idea he was even gone.  You can read about it here. Autistic Boy Wanders. It's unbelievable and unacceptable. We hear about autistic kids that wander all the time.  Many of them end up dead. The fact that my friend's son is alive?  Nothing short of a miracle.  I shudder to think of all the things that could have happened to him on that 15 minute walk home.  We always think, "Oh, it won't happen to me."  But, I know this family. I have met them in person.  I ate dinner at Chik Fil A with them and my kids played with this boy. It can happen to any of us.

My son is an escape artist.  I'm sure a lot of autistic kids are.  It doesn't seem to matter how many eyes we have in the backs of our heads or how many bolts are on the doors. I'm tired of reading about kids escaping and/or dying.

Project Lifesaver isn't available where I live.  (Citizens enrolled in Project Lifesaver wear a tracking device. If a client goes missing, they can be located within minutes.  It is ideal for individuals with Alzheimer's, autism, and Down Syndrome.)

Maybe it should be.  Something should be.

Until then, I guess my arm will remain in pictures.  



8 comments:

  1. Be sure to keep a close eye on your boy -- reckless, careless, thoughtless parents of adoptive kids fail to do so and their kids end up dead.

    It's appalling that Mikayla Lynch's parents weren't prosecuted, since their negligence let directly to her death!!

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    Replies
    1. While always good advice to watch your kids...wtf? It's like you sped read the post and thought...kids who wander! adoptive parents! Death! It's like some sort of bizarre word association game where only you know the words to associate and so you end up giving "good" advice apropos of nothing.

      Like if I read your comment and then replied to you, "Always consult an attorney before adopting children from china" because you said the words "adoptive" and "prosecution" and then I just let my brain wander.

      No offense.

      Delete
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    ReplyDelete

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  4. DR WILLIAMS CURED 7 YEARS AUTISM
    I am sharing this testimony for my daughter who suffered autism for 7 years. I am doing this, because I was her mother and caregiver  during her dark days and am very happy to share it so that others can be helped through  DR WILLIAMS HERBAL MEDICINE. It was a tough a battle for her; I was not actually the one who hard autism, but bearing the burden makes me understand what parents whose children and love with autism go through.
    Lesia now 19 and was diagnosed with autism at the age of twelve, for seven years, she fought against her diagnosis. I must admit it was never easy for us as a family; we had to constantly watch her, and answer questions that we couldn’t explain. On several occasions, she asked if she will ever stop having speech delay and get well like her school mates and be the best swimmer she dreamt of becoming. She was a very happy child; and had a ‘normal’ childhood and there was no suggestion that she would later on develop autism. 
    She refused to accept defeat and fought autism. She religiously kept to her medications in spite of their side effects. We all wanted a cure, so that she can chase her dream and live a normal life like every other child. But the more she takes these medications, the more her school grade drop. She couldn’t concentrate and we noticed that her memory was being severely adversely affected. Each time we went back to the hospital, her medicines were changed to a different one. Seems like, each change of drug brings about change in side effects. After about 6 years on   Abilify ,  Geodon  , and other medicines, it seemed the autism started to increase in frequency. I had to make effort to reduce her medicines with plans to eventually stop it all. We found an alternative treatment in homeopathy, which was better than her English drugs. Gradually, I reduced her drugs, and her autism were no longer as frequent as it was as when she was on conventional drugs.
    With our little breakthrough with homeopathy treatment, we made further search for natural cure. Fortunately we saw testimonies about herbal medicines which cure autism. We saw a lot of claims though, contacted them and didn’t get a useful reply. Lucky for us, we finally got a reply from Doctor Williams, he directed us to his blog where we saw a lot of information about his herbal medicine . Without further delay I made a purchase for her, I switched her over to it. We had great breakthrough, that in 3 weeks, her autism reduced. After 1 months as Doctor Williams promised , all autism symptoms stopped. It was like a miracle for us. since all this days now Lesia became autism free. Her story is quite lengthy, I hope it also help someone out there.for more information you can email Dr Williams on drwilliams098675@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  5. DR WILLIAMS CURED 7 YEARS AUTISM
    I am sharing this testimony for my daughter who suffered autism for 7 years. I am doing this, because I was her mother and caregiver  during her dark days and am very happy to share it so that others can be helped through  DR WILLIAMS HERBAL MEDICINE. It was a tough a battle for her; I was not actually the one who hard autism, but bearing the burden makes me understand what parents whose children and love with autism go through.
    Lesia now 19 and was diagnosed with autism at the age of twelve, for seven years, she fought against her diagnosis. I must admit it was never easy for us as a family; we had to constantly watch her, and answer questions that we couldn’t explain. On several occasions, she asked if she will ever stop having speech delay and get well like her school mates and be the best swimmer she dreamt of becoming. She was a very happy child; and had a ‘normal’ childhood and there was no suggestion that she would later on develop autism. 
    She refused to accept defeat and fought autism. She religiously kept to her medications in spite of their side effects. We all wanted a cure, so that she can chase her dream and live a normal life like every other child. But the more she takes these medications, the more her school grade drop. She couldn’t concentrate and we noticed that her memory was being severely adversely affected. Each time we went back to the hospital, her medicines were changed to a different one. Seems like, each change of drug brings about change in side effects. After about 6 years on   Abilify ,  Geodon  , and other medicines, it seemed the autism started to increase in frequency. I had to make effort to reduce her medicines with plans to eventually stop it all. We found an alternative treatment in homeopathy, which was better than her English drugs. Gradually, I reduced her drugs, and her autism were no longer as frequent as it was as when she was on conventional drugs.
    With our little breakthrough with homeopathy treatment, we made further search for natural cure. Fortunately we saw testimonies about herbal medicines which cure autism. We saw a lot of claims though, contacted them and didn’t get a useful reply. Lucky for us, we finally got a reply from Doctor Williams, he directed us to his blog where we saw a lot of information about his herbal medicine . Without further delay I made a purchase for her, I switched her over to it. We had great breakthrough, that in 3 weeks, her autism reduced. After 1 months as Doctor Williams promised , all autism symptoms stopped. It was like a miracle for us. since all this days now Lesia became autism free. Her story is quite lengthy, I hope it also help someone out there.for more information you can email Dr Williams on drwilliams098675@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete