"Look At Me"

"Look At Me"
monotype and screenprint

Thursday, March 29, 2012

Oh Poop (The Walmart Story)

I decided today would be the PERFECT day to cheer you up and tell you about a Walmart trip I had about a year and a half ago.  :)  I swore up and down I wouldn't tell people.  But I changed my mind.  Be nice--this is BY FAR the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to me.

On that fateful day, I went to Walmart.  I shopped with both kids strapped into their little seats at the front of the cart.  Tyler was 4, Derek was 2.5 at the time.  I filled up the cart with groceries.  Derek was fine...as long as we kept moving.  (For those of you who are new to my blog, my youngest son is autistic and still considered nonverbal.)  He liked to watch the wheels of the cart spin.  If we stopped the cart, he started screaming--so I tried to keep the cart in motion. 

All of a sudden I heard the words you never want to hear in the middle of a shopping trip.  Tyler said, "I have to go to the bathroom."  Oh, no.  I took the boys to the back of the store, and wouldn't you know it?  The ladies room was closed for cleaning.  Tyler, still new at the whole Potty Training thing, informed me, "Mom, I have to go poop."  I said, "Tyler, you are going to have to go in the Men's room alone.  I can't go in with you.  I have to stay out here with Derek and the cart."  Tyler, looking a little bit frightened, went in. 

At this point, Derek started screaming because the cart was not moving.  Everyone who walked by stared at us.  No big deal; I was used to it.  But then Tyler came to the bathroom door with his pants around his ankles saying he needed help wiping.  OMG.  Mortification was starting to set in.  I told him to get some toilet paper or paper towels--ANYTHING.  He got some and returned.  A guy came out of the men's restroom, laughing and saying, "Ma'am, you can just come in--the restroom is empty."  I explained, "No, I can't.  I have my other son and an entire cart full of stuff."  Everyone was staring by now.  I helped Tyler wipe and quickly yanked up his pants.  In the process, Tyler bumped his head against the metal latch where the door closes.  He screamed "Mommy, you hurt me!!!"

Now people were really staring.  Derek was screaming.
Tyler was crying.
And blood was beginning to trickle down Tyler's face. 

I'm pretty sure I was white as a ghost.  I pressed a paper towel to Tyler's face, grabbed his hand, plopped Derek on my hip, and promptly ditched my entire cart of groceries.  Yep. I'm one of those people.  I got out of Walmart in record time--before they could call child services on me. 

And that, my friends, is why I like to shop alone.  Seriously, it's like a vacation.


  1. Beth-
    I avoid stores with my kids too.

  2. Did I ever tell you about when my middle child decided to pull his swimming trunks down, and pee into the community center pool? Yeah--proud moment;D